I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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