If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
