And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
