Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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