We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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