in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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