threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
