how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
