he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
