Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
