Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
