No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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