tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
