Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
