I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is classic penis vs brain.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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