So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
