Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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