Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
