I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
