fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
