Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
