I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We are two peas in an std pod
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
