This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
