im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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