Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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