your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This is the high leading the old right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
