You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
