You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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