He asked to "fluff my boner.."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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