You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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