I just pynch a tree in the face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
