I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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