then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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