I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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