i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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