I cockslap morals
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
