it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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