I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
