i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
