is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
