I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
