Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
