its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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