Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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