I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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