How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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