Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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