Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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