you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
