I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
