Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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