Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
