I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
