I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
